4 Strategies to Fix and Resolve Your Co-Founder Disagreement

Like any relationship, co-founders can sometimes disagree. The way these disagreements are handled can significantly impact the strength of the co-founder team over time.

As a certified mediator and executive coach with over eight years of experience, I've assisted countless startup founders and business teams in resolving complex issues, such as equity restructuring deals, partnership dissolutions, and interpersonal disagreements. I've observed how minor misunderstandings can escalate into major conflicts that ultimately threaten both the partnership and the business.

If you're currently facing a disagreement with your co-founder or just want to be prepared for future challenges, here are some practical strategies to help you effectively navigate and resolve these conflicts.

Strategy #1: Conduct a High-Level Disagreement Analysis

Often, founders avoid tough conversations for various reasons. However, the first step to resolving a disagreement is understanding its root cause.

Performing a high-level disagreement analysis can help determine whether the issues at hand are simple or complex. Begin by asking yourself the following questions:

1. Is this disagreement due to differing personal values?
2. Could it be because of our different working styles?
3. Are we struggling to agree on how to tackle a specific business issue? (If yes, consider looking for objective third-party data to guide your discussion.)
4. Is there confusion over each founder's roles and responsibilities, leading to domain creep?
5. Or, is it a mix of these factors?

Enhancing the Impact of this Strategy:

1. Role Reversal Exercise: If you answer the above questions as a team, encourage each founder to argue from the other’s perspective. This can foster empathy and might reveal new insights about the disagreement.
2. Scheduled Discussions: Regularly schedule discussions specifically for airing out any disagreements or concerns according to this high-level analysis. I suggest a quarterly realignment process so founders commit to a regular cadence, helping prevent issues from building up and encouraging a routine of openness and proactive problem-solving.
3. Document Agreements: After analyzing the disagreement, document what has been agreed upon regarding any resolution steps. This documentation acts as a reference point for all parties and ensures mutual understanding and accountability.

If you find that the disagreement involves multiple high-level issues, it likely has several layers that need to be unpacked and discussed. If this is the case, proceed with the next strategy to delve deeper into resolving these complexities.

Strategy #2: Use The Conflict Iceberg to Understand the Root Cause

The Conflict Iceberg is a powerful tool that helps you delve beneath the surface of a disagreement to explore what's not immediately visible.

This method encourages deeper understanding and addresses the underlying issues that might not be apparent.

To get to those underlying issues, you ask open-ended questions to go deeper, as the image above suggests. Below is a process you and your team can use to maximize the benefit of using The Conflict Iceberg.

Using The Conflict Iceberg:

Step 1: Open a shared document or grab a piece of paper.

Step 2: Write down these probing questions:

• What motivations are driving my actions in this disagreement?
• Are there any assumptions I'm making about the other person that should be verified?
• What feelings am I hesitant to reveal?
• What expectations am I holding that might be affecting my perspective?
• What information (facts or opinions) might the other person not be aware of?

Step 3: Take time to reflect and write down your answers to these questions individually. This helps each person clarify their thoughts without external pressure.

Step 4: Share your responses with the team. This step is crucial for opening lines of communication and building mutual understanding.

Step 5: Discuss the answers together, focusing on what you’ve learned that was previously hidden. Compare known issues with those that were uncovered during this exercise.

Enhancing the Impact of this Strategy:

• Create a Safe Space: Before starting this exercise, agree as a team to maintain a non-judgmental and supportive environment. Reassure each other that the space is safe for honesty and vulnerability.
• Active Listening: Ensure everyone is practicing active listening. This means truly hearing and considering the perspectives being shared, not just waiting for your turn to speak.
• Follow-Up: After the initial discussion, schedule a follow-up meeting to revisit the insights gained and assess whether the understanding has improved and what steps to take next.

By using the Conflict Iceberg, you'll likely uncover new information and perspectives that can transform a challenging disagreement into a constructive dialogue. Remember, the willingness to understand and extend grace to each other can often lead to breakthroughs in resolving conflicts.

Strategy #3: Use the Disagreement Spiral to Foster Accountability

When co-founders have been in conflict for a while, it's common to fall into a cycle of reactive, tit-for-tat behaviors.

The Disagreement Spiral is a useful framework to help understand how these small, personal reactions fuel a disagreement’s escalation and can deepen misunderstandings.

Steps to Use the Disagreement Spiral:

Step 1: Reflect on your thoughts about the co-founder you're disagreeing with. What are you telling yourself about this person?

Step 2: Identify which stage of escalation these thoughts correspond to. Are you in the initial second stage where misunderstandings start, or have things escalated to more severe reactions?

Step 3: Consider your behaviors. What actions have you taken in response to these thoughts? Be honest about how your actions may have contributed to escalating the disagreement.

Step 4: Now, think about it from your co-founder’s perspective. Try to understand their side of the story. What might they be telling themselves about you? How might their actions be affected by these thoughts?

Step 5: Discuss these reflections together. This is your chance to see how each of you might be inadvertently escalating the conflict. This understanding can pave the way for both sides to take responsibility for their part in the conflict.

Enhancing the Impact of this Strategy:

• Open Dialogue: Encourage an open and non-defensive dialogue about these reflections. It's crucial that all founders feel safe to express their thoughts without fear of retaliation.
• Mutual Accountability: Agree on the importance of mutual accountability. Acknowledge that both sides have likely contributed to the situation and commit to changing behaviors together.
• Actionable Commitments: Make specific commitments to change certain behaviors. Decide on practical steps each person will take to avoid escalating the disagreement in the future.

By using the Disagreement Spiral, founders can gain insights into how their interactions contribute to conflicts. This awareness is key to taking responsibility and working towards a more collaborative relationship.

Strategy #4: Resolve the Disagreement Using the P.I.N. Model

The P.I.N. Model—focusing on Positions, Interests, and Needs—offers a structured way to find common ground by deeply understanding each founder's true motivations.

What is the P.I.N. Model?

• Positions: What each founder explicitly wants. These are usually the initial demands or solutions that are put forward.
• Interests: The reasons behind why a founder wants what they do. Interests often reveal deeper motivations that are not immediately obvious.
• Needs: These are fundamental requirements that drive a person’s interests, often linked to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. For example, a founder may push for a particular business strategy not just to be controlling, but because they need to feel recognized for their expertise and contributions.

What the P.I.N. Model also shows, as seen below, is that when you overlap two founders’ P.I.N.s, they’ll intersect at the Interests and Needs level. It’s at that point where successful conflict resolution is possible.

Steps to Use the P.I.N. Model:

Step 1: Clearly articulate what each founder wants. Write these positions down to ensure clarity.

Step 2: Explore why each founder wants what they do. This involves digging deeper into the interests behind the positions.

Step 3: Consult Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to identify underlying needs:

• What fundamental needs are driving me?
• What needs might be motivating my co-founder?
• How can we acknowledge and respect these needs in each other?
• How can we find a resolution that meets these core needs?

Step 4: Engage in an open dialogue. Sharing and discussing each founder’s needs requires vulnerability, but this openness can pave the way to a meaningful resolution.

Enhancing the Impact of this Strategy:

• Visual Mapping: Use a visual diagram to map out each founder’s P.I.N. during your discussion. This can help visually intersect where interests and needs overlap, making it easier to identify potential areas for agreement.
• Regular Reviews: Make the P.I.N. analysis a regular part of your conflict resolution process. Regularly revisiting these aspects can prevent misunderstandings before they escalate.
• Create a Needs-Based Agreement: After identifying the overlapping needs, work together to draft an agreement that addresses these needs. This document can serve as a reference point for both parties and help keep the resolution on track.

Conclusion

Disagreements between co-founders are common, but they don't have to spell trouble for your business. By employing these four strategic approaches, you can enhance understanding, unearth underlying issues, promote open communication, and ideally, develop solutions that satisfy everyone involved. Remember, the objective isn't to eliminate all conflict; it’s to manage disagreements in a way that drives your business forward, transforming challenges into valuable learning moments that strengthen both your partnership and your company.